The Straight Dope FAQ on Indian Elections 2014

What is UPA? What does it stand for?

  • Undercover Payment Agreement. This coalition is all about not letting anyone know who paid how much to whom for what.

Who is the UPA’s PM candidate?

  • They thought they had an ace in Rahul Gandhi, but are now discovering it is not an ace but a joker.

What is NDA?

  • NaMo Dictatorship Association. This group asks NaMo critics to leave the country.

What is AAP?

  • Antagonistic Agitation Podium.

Is the AAP really free of corruption?

  • AAP is corrupted by Nehruvian socialism, from which the country has yet to recover after six decades.

What is a “manifesto”?

  • A manifesto is a document created to get media coverage. In olden times, a manifesto used to be a declaration of a party’s ideology and plan. Now it’s a tool to get media coverage with editorials, columns, discussions, and debates devoted to dissecting the manifesto, which the media, the public, and the party, completely forgets once the election is over.

What is “secularism”?

  • Secularism means “securing” votes. Usually, this means attempting to appease minorities and “secure” their votes.

What is “development”?

  • Development means developing more slums in urban areas. This has a “kill two birds with one stone” impact.
  • It secures votes in urban areas since slum-dwellers have escaped the tyranny of rural existence, and also secures votes in rural areas where parents are happy their youngsters have migrated to the city.

What are “minorities”?

  • Minorities are a segment of the Indian populace who are lesser in terms of numerical population, but are greater in terms of electoral votes. Because the never-termed “majorities” rarely go out and vote.

What is the “Gujarat model”?

  • The Gujarat model is a quantum mechanical experiment where the results are indeterminate. Depending on the observer, results of the experiment vary. Either a Schrodinger’s cat exists or doesn’t exist in the Gujarat model box. Those who say it doesn’t exist, aren’t allowed to exist either, so nobody really knows.

What is the “Modi wave”?

  • A marketing spin by the NDA to what is normally called anti-incumbency. Since nobody in power delivers, people get sick and tired after a while and choose the alternative.

What is “Economic Growth”?

  • Economic growth is growing the financial reserves of the party so as to have sufficient funds for the next Assembly or Lok Sabha election.

What is “Inclusive Growth”?

  • Inclusive growth means you should not just grow your party’s finances, your coalition ally ministers’ financial reserves should also grow.

What is “Infrastructure Growth”?

  • Infrastructure growth means growing the network of hoodlums and gangsters in urban and rural areas, who can coerce large segments of slum-dwellers and villagers to vote for the party, distribute liquor and money in exchange for votes, etc.

Why are voting days dry days?

  • So that the liquor distributed by the parties has more importance.

What is “women empowerment”?

  • Making sure women are not raped on voting day in the vicinity of the voting booth.
  • Having sufficient allocation in your election budget for making women-centric ads, getting women celebrities to talk about the importance of the women’s vote, etc.
  • Sucking up to powerful women politicians like Sonia, Mamata, Jayalalitha, etc.
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