An Unquiet Mind

This is in response to Atul’s An Aggres­sive Asser­tion, in which he delves into the pos­si­ble dif­fer­ences between the two. As always, his post is beau­ti­fully writ­ten, but goes off in such a tan­gent to my frame of ref­er­ence, that I decided to write here in response.

My inter­pre­ta­tion of what Atul is try­ing to say is that there isn’t really much of a dif­fer­ence between the two, that it is a fine gra­di­ent, and the dif­fer­ences are at best, only pedan­tic. He also explains that his opin­ion comes from not hav­ing expe­ri­enced assertive­ness, as dis­tinct from aggressiveness.

Assertive means self-assured, firm, and con­fi­dent. Aggres­sion is intim­i­da­tion, either phys­i­cal or psychological.

Assertive­ness has impor­tant psy­cho­log­i­cal, artis­tic, and philo­soph­i­cal implications.

Psy­cho­log­i­cally, Assertive­ness is a behav­ioral skill. If you act assertively, you are less likely to be dom­i­nated by oth­ers in com­mu­ni­ca­tion and rela­tion­ships. You are able to say “No”. You do not let oth­ers abuse or manip­u­late you. You are able to ask your boss for a raise if you think you deserve it.

Assertive behav­ior respects the bound­aries of other peo­ple. Aggres­sive behav­ior does not.

Assertive­ness is an impor­tant skill in nego­ti­a­tions of all kinds, where aggres­sion can lead to unde­sir­able results.

The entire Roman­tic Move­ment in art was because of the assertive­ness of the artists who rebelled against the social and polit­i­cal norms that pre­ceded them. Beethoven was being assertive when he spear­headed roman­tic music through his sym­phonies. These artists were assert­ing their indi­vid­u­al­ity, not being aggressive.

Rosa Parks was being assertive when she refused to give up her seat for a white pas­sen­ger. Gandhi’s non-violent dis­obe­di­ence against the British is the most famous exam­ple of assertive­ness. Nei­ther Parks, nor Gandhi, were aggres­sive. India’s refusal to sign the CTBT is assertive, not aggressive.

Fun­da­men­tally, from a philo­soph­i­cal per­spec­tive, Assertive­ness comes from respect­ing your own and oth­ers’ indi­vid­u­al­ity. Aggres­sion stems from not respect­ing the indi­vid­u­al­ity of any­one else except yourself.